Acceptance - Caring and Sincerity in Dementia Care

Source: Janssen Pharmaceutical

The basis of the relationship is the absolute and unconditional esteem for the person with a memory impairing disease, the love for them, the struggle for the acceptance of this person with their illness. This emotionally dedicated esteem has to be constantly renewed even in crisis situations and does not go without saying. Acceptance of the patient and the situation also means setting limits, taking responsibility and leadership, providing orientation. It is, however, necessary to react to their behavior in an adult manner and not to embarrass the person.

You will not succeed without empathy in gaining access to the inner frame of perception and behavior, in understanding the emotions and feelings of the patient. If the efforts to understand wane, there is a risk that people with dementia become objects of care tasks and disappear as a person. There are limits here as well; we cannot understand everything and there is not a convenient theory for every anomaly of behavior. One must try to accept this as well, to accept what cannot be understood.

Sincerity and truthfulness substantiate sensitive understanding and esteem. One has to be completely genuine provided this does not harm or hurt the person. Pretending to have more esteem than one really feels undermines relationships. One reacts false when using friendly facades, ambiugity, artificial role play and emotionally shallow encounters. People with dementia notice this and reject or retreat - caring for people with dementia means to make your own self available, the whole range of your ability for affection.

It is important to understand the inner world of the person with dementia, to foresee their plans, to supplement and to enable again and again a small feeling of success. Behave like a tennis coach who plays the ball to a pupil in a way that he can return it. Create a reliable daily routine with small rituals (from washing hands, saying prayers, preparing food, cleaning and singing to a little dancing before bedtime). Activiate the person in the framework of this routine without too little or too much demand. Existing capabiltiies should be used if possible because self-esteem relies on their use. Discreetly link into former habits, weave in memories, give the patient things to hold which represent parts of their life (wedding veil, child's hat or shoes, christening candle...) Remember that the focus is always on the expereience and not on the result. Feeling good preserves the feeling of being a person.

As the disease progresses, the body very much becomes the focus. Physical closeness, touching hands, gestures and eye contact, hugging each other, showing your own feelins creates a warm sense of security, closeness and comfort.

Try to communicate attentive calmness: allow unusual behavior, reduce your rejection of bizarre behavior as long as they do not risk harm to themselves or others. Resist the impulse to intervene and ask yourself from time to time what is the meaning of a particular type of behavior and what pleasure they may feel from it.

Obtain relief for yourself. People are not made to constantly carry such loads on their own. Take care of your own body, your relationships and interests and get outside help and support as needed. The sooner you accept help, the longer you will be able to be a partner to the person with dementia.

For more information on support groups for caregivers, please contact the WNY Chapter of the Alzheimer's Association at (716) 626-0600.

For information on the Care and Services provided by Elderwood Senior Care, please contact us at (716) 633-3900.